There are some ridiculously expensive and useless items available on Amazon that I would never buy even if I could. The prices and descriptions of these unbelievably garish items are highly entertaining.
Reading the satirical customer comments on these items is also very funny (you can click on each the listings below and read the customer comments for yourself). These are actual items for sale. Any effort to bring attention to the utter silliness of conspicuous consumption is alright by me.
Montegrappa Chaos Gold and Enamel Automatic Watch
Price $85,950.00 + FREE Shipping
Ummm … all I can really say here is “I don’t know what to say”.
This watch is incredibly hideous and unbelievably expensive. Lots of squirmy hissing snakes? An evil golden skull? It seems that the target market for this monstrosity would be rather limited; probably just evil super villains and Satan, as a matter of fact. At least they offer free shipping.
Asfour Crystal Tut Anhk Amon Chair
Price $140,000 + Shipping
I am just trying to imagine who might buy this King Tut throne. Maybe a museum. The late Michael Jackson might have bought something like this. Dr. Evil? Hmmm … maybe. Not sure who else would want a $140,000 King Tut throne. It comes in a glass case, for goodness sake, so you couldn’t even sit on it even if you did buy it. It doesn’t even look comfortable anyway. To top it all off, it doesn’t even seem to come with free shipping.
Montegrappa Heritage Soccer World Cup Gold Rollerball Pen
Price $75,000.00 + FREE Shipping
What a terrific gift for the World Cup fan who (thinks) they have everything. This breathtaking masterpiece is not only gorgeous but also functional. It can be used to sign your name on paper and to write notes.
Marvel Cloak and Dagger Collection Magazine and Figure
Price $9,999.00 + $5.49 Shipping
Here’s is an unbelievable listing for two plastic dolls and a comic book – yours for only $9,999.00 plus $5.49 shipping. Okay, I’m sure there must be something very special about this very exclusive duo, but these are little plastic dolls! You could buy a lot of mosquito nets for this amount of money. The real kicker here is that they actually want to charge the buyer $5.49 for shipping. If I was ever to buy two dolls for that much money I would probably try to hire someone like Col. Steve Austin to pick it up and deliver it to me personally.
Victorinox Swiss Army SwissChamp XAVT
Price $480.00 ON SALE for only $369.95 + FREE shipping
I think I was about twelve when I got my first Swiss Army knife. It cost twelve dollars and came with one big blade, a small blade, a can opener/screwdriver thing, a toothpick, and tweezers. It was compact and fit in my pocket nicely.
Take a look at this thing! All $480.00 dollars worth (on sale for $369.95). I can’t help but wonder if this would be a strong case study in the Law of Diminishing Returns. The Swiss Army knife is supposed to be practical after all. At what point does adding a new feature start to make the knife ‘less’ useful by making it more cumbersome and bulky? Surely, the Swiss Champ would not even fit in your pocket.
The hefty price is also prohibitive. Ricky Schroeder or Little Orphan Annie might be able to afford this thing, but it would be beyond the reach of most twelve year-olds.
Relaxman Relaxation Capsule
Price $49,990.00 + $2,500.00 Shipping
This is a heat, light, and sound proof relaxation chamber. It plays soothing music as you enter a state of total relaxation. Essentially it is a spaceship-shaped uterus for stressed out adults.
The problem for me is that I would not find this relaxing. What if a fire alarm going off when you’re inside? What if the door jams or is padlocked shut by someone such as Moriarty or Wile E. Coyote? What if the on board computer pulls a ‘HAL’ and won’t open the pod bay doors? I might also be continuously thinking about how crazy I was to have spent so much money on this thing and how I could have been so silly.
A cheaper option could be to put earmuffs on and pull the covers over your head.
Bob Dylan Hand-Signed Series–Set of 7 Hohner Marine Band Harmonicas
Price $25,000.00 + FREE Shipping
These seven harmonicas have been played by and signed by Bob Dylan. In other words, they are used harmonicas … yuck!
I get that Bob Dylan is a legend and all, but why on earth would anyone want one (or seven) of his used harmonicas? If the idea that he did play them does appeal to you, how do you know he didn’t just lick them. Maybe he just sits around licking harmonicas all day. In that case, maybe they are not quite so rare and collectible as you might think.
And not only are these harmonicas used, but they also cost $25,000.00.
I enjoy shopping on Amazon. I am often able to find good prices on many items and I enjoy the convenience of ordering things online. There is a more interesting ‘other’ side to Amazon, however. A realm where sensibility and value are pushed aside to make way for the gaudy and the frivolous.
Have you discovered any other items on Amazon that should be on this list? Are there any items that you consider to represent excellent value on Amazon? Please join the conversation below.
Author: Jason Milburn Google